independence is most costly than people realize

ironically, moving home is costing me more money (out of pocket directly) than i imagined.

i didn't realize how much i was relying on that student loan.

it was paying more than rent. apparently.

well, am paying a lot more for gas than before, but i don't know how i did it when i lived at AMLI.

i feel way more broke now than i ever did then.

but whatever, it's all good. cc#2 is paid off, and the third is on it's way. =)

MY
DISCOVER
CARD
IS

PAID 

OFF!

omgomgomgomgomgomg thank you insurance money!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love my life!

Not much time, but a quick update is better than no update!

So this weekend was pretty good.

Still have a 5-7 page paper due tomorrow that I still haven't read the book for - but hey, that's college, right!?

Although that IS what I should be working on - it's date night! Daniel is taking me to Benihana and Twilight! That sounds like it could be a place of it's own, "Benihana and Twilight", lol.

I love date night!

I also LOVE insurance money! Haha watch out credit card debt - you one step closer to being GONE!  No more discover card!

This week is looking awesome. Monday I have school, Tuesday is the Fried Turkey Party at work (I wonder if that's still happening - I hope so!), and then I'm free!!! Time to catch up on laundry, cleaning, family time, and sleeeeeep! Also, I LOVE Thanksgiving food! Well, actually that's a lie. I love turkey and mashed potatoes, and creamed corn. Everything else - cranberries, yams, stuffing - ehhh.

But then it's just one more week of class, a few finals, and WE'RE FREEE!!!

One month from yesterday until our CHRISTMAS CRUISE!!! WOOOO HOOOOO!

Also, shout-out to Aijy turning 20! We still have to get together to give you your present!!

I did it!

This week was SOOO long!

THE WEEKEND IS HERE!!! (It's gonna be SUCH a good one, too!)

Checklist of Awesomeness:

• New Front Tires
• Pay the guy I rear ended for his tail light =(
• Bank of America to work out the accounts with Daniel
• Clean up my room
• Make something (can't elaborate right now!)
• Disney on Ice!
• Church - I miss it a lot. I haven't been in about a month. =( I am even going at 9 for big church!  (To people reading - you should come!)
  
• Make something else. (hehe)
  
• Chuy's for "surprise" bday dinner! 
• Em's First Competitive Cheer Competition
  

This is a great weekend to have after this week!! From here on out I think it's gonna be easyyyyyyyyy. I have one more paper, a photography project, 1 HR test, 2 OLS tests, fried turkey day at work, Thanksgiving,  about 1 week and a half of school after that and then a CHRISTMAS CRUISE!!!!!!

I am just sooooo happy to say I have been dreading this week since the semester started but I made it! Haha

I'm almost FREEEEEEEEEEE

real life. NEW PERSPECTIVES ON EVERYTHING!

**I know this is ridiculously long. Please excuse it, it's just that all this has been on my heart and writing it out feels good. I'd like you to read it - that's obviously why I wrote it down, but I understand if you don't because it's SO long. I think it's interesting haha.****

So on Saturday we went to Renaissance Festival, which was SO fun, but neither Daniel or I woke up for church. =( That bummed me out a lot more than usual for some reason so I was kind of down in the morning. Then, Daniel and I did our finances and I realized how broke I am.

If you've been reading, you know that I did not fill out the FAFSA this year because 1.) my dad did his taxes late with an extension and I didn't have them in time and most importantly 2.) I didn't want anymore loans anyway. SO I have to pay the excess of my tuition out of pocket. Which makes me proud to do, but at the same time is really hard when I don't make much money, and I'm having to spend so much on gas now, among other things. Anyway, tuition is due Friday, and I still don't have my reimbursement check from the conference I went on. I've only budgeted/saved enough to cover the amount that my reimbursement didn't cover, because I thought for sure the time in between JULY and NOW would be plenty long enough for UH to do all it's processing and approvals for me to get that money. But, apparently not. So, I might have a hold on my account and my grades won't get released until it's paid. They said the check was mailed out Oct 28, but I still don't have it. It's almost been 3 weeks. CRAZY. But whatever - there's nothing I can do about it - so freaking out is pointless.

So anyway, going back to me being broke: Gaby, Daniel's older little sister's sweet 16 is coming up and they're all going on a Disney cruise. They invited me and I really, really want to go because in addition, it's also May 2nd - May 6th, which means I would turn 21 on a Disney Cruise on the 4th!!! I cannot tell you how freaking awesome that would be!!

BUT I cannot afford to go without putting it on credit. Which I really, really, really do not want to do. But I will feel bad, because Daniel says he's not going without me. Even though HE CAN afford it. I can't - I just can't work enough hours with school. So I don't know. I would love to go, but I think the mature thing to do is just decline, and save for a time we can go later. =(

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So needless to say, all this made me pretty sad. But, again, God knows how to put me in my place. Daniel and I took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and although I've gotten better about the importance of money management, and have actually helped other people (Aij!), I have still struggled with applying the principles to me OWN finances. However, I know why God has brought me to this point of financial suckage.

I'm a very hands-on learner. I write everything down. I make lists. I cross things off to see a visual of things getting done. So, all FPU's ideas/principals are great on paper, which I understand. But, understanding is WAY different than applying them. Principles work GREAT for Daniel. But for Katie, well... haha not quite. See, I am an emotional spender who apparently didn't realize that until she was literally brought to a point where she could not survive without budgeting to make it. So, this is it! I am never spending a paycheck without budgeting it again!

Daniel and I have combined out finances, so we have 3 accounts. One joint, and one for each of us. Everything that's not "active" money for the week for things like food, gas, bills, etc goes in the joint account for the e-fund, tuition, cruise (maybe), etc. It will work out much better this way, and really just makes more sense.

I feel so much better about my (our) money now, now that I've learned WHY I've been on a seemingly downhill slope since I moved out of our apartment. (Which as a sidenote, I SOO miss.)

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On that notion, I mentioned a few days ago how irreplaceable and amazing and awesome Aijah is. I'm very very very thankful to have her. I just miss living with her so much. We can sit and talk for hours on end and not even realize time is moving past us. I miss our late night McDonald's runs, our weird accent conversations, and most of all - our Whitney Houston nights. Those were the BEST.

Having a best friend is just one of the most important things someone can have. I never had a best friend like "they have in the movies". That is, until Aijah. I was always usually better friends with guys because girls are so dramatic/needy. But, our friendship is just so perfect because I can look at her and tell her her hair looks like a bird's nest, and she knows I'm just trying to make sure she looks pretty, it's not meant to be an insult. And she can stare at a zit that popped up overnight on my face and make fun of me for it, and we can give it a social security number, or a zip code. It's just something I never really thought I'd have. Sure, we go out to eat and people think we're "together" - but we know we're not, and we're having fun being loud laughing and not caring.

Aij, I miss you.. a lot. I never want to be too busy for you. Bacallis was SO fun.

Also, sidenote - for other friends reading, (I know who you are!) and just so you know, I love you too - I just had to give my Aijy a shoutout!!

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[This blog has transitioned so well.]

Speaking of being thankful - I was listening to KSBJ last night and they were talking about thanksgiving. Not the holiday, but the actual act of giving thanks, being gracious. More specifically, modeling graciousness in order to teach your kids/others.

They were talking about how important it is to be sure to thank God for the bad days and the hard times and the stressful moments because he brought us there for a reason, and there must be some kind of good in it because it's part of his plan. In addition, there's an important notion to realize. The entire act of being thankful points to God's glory. Essentially, if you're thankful for what you have; you're health, your happiness, what have you - you were blessed by your creator. Why would we be thankful for or to a spontaneous combination of particles? Why would we be thankful to chance? Just an interesting topic....

So yesterday I was being all grumpy and ehhhhhhh, but after hearing that and going through this loooong drawn out thought process, I realized that yesterday was just a day to teach me and put me in my place, yet again. I am going through all this NOW so I (or we..) are prepared in the future and we're not suffering financially at that time. It's better to learn the hard way NOW, than to go through this later, when more people are affected, or we're further in debt or something.

I get it now. God is using my situations/circumstances to bring me to a place where turning to him is not only what I need to do, but what I WANT to do. Also, the only thing TO do, to feel better about it.

____________________

Okay, one last thing. Working out. Goes back to being thankful. See I've always had this unmentioned complex about working out because it's so hard in the moment and takes so long to see results, so obviously, that's unfavorable. However, I have another new perspective on this, too!

Previously, I thought, I need to work out to lose weight. I want to look better in my clothes. I want Daniel to wrap his arms around me and go "wow!" But, NOW I want to work out for something different. Nothing like any of that.. I WANT to work out to be healthy. Did you read that right, Aij?? I WANT to work out?!!!!!!!!! I want to eat right and work out to have a good lifestyle. If I lose weight, than cool - but I'm to try to keep my focus on just being healthy, rather than losing weight, because I believe that's a much less superficial goal.

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If you've read this far - I sincerely applaud you. You are a true friend, haha. Thanks, a lot.

I cannot tell you how much I love CHANGE.

I have decided to make some big changes for next semester, and sooner

1.) I am dropping Entrepreneurship. I try hard, I study (although admittedly, not as much as I would like.) and I still struggle to get the grades I want. I have another class that I can apply for that credit, so I don't have to retake it or anything. I'd just be out the money - which really sucks - but it's the right choice when it comes to my GPA.

2.) After Christmas, I am going to resign as senator. This takes up the most of my time/energy/effort and I can't afford it anymore. I feel horrible for quitting the position I was elected to do, but I have to consider my future. (See below.) It's a great leadership opportunity, but it's not at all relevant to my degree.

3.) I am going to apply to be on the yearbook staff - but with limited involvement. Enough to prove what I know, but not enough to go crazy. This is because I want to apply to be Editor-in-Chief of the Houstonian yearbook. Which by the way is a PAID position, and a senator is not. Also, it's exactly what I want to do.. so it's a much better position careerwise. Also, if Aij gets to be the Managing Editor - can you say perf?!?! I can! (PERF!!!)

3.) Phi Lamb might not work out, this is a long story, but I'm not sure it's the right time for it at UH right now.. We'll see.

4.) Still working 2 days a week, but it's Wed/Fri, so it's going to be difficult for the beginning of the week. However, Tues/Thurs I only have one class, so if I'm not yearbooking, I can be working remotely. (I <3 GoToMyPC)

5.) I am SO excited about Christmas Break, and beyond. No school, Christmas Cruise, and a new beginning next year with school, and Daniel and I's FOUR YEAR anniversary!! I can barely believe it!

I don't

know where to go from here. At this point, I have so much going on in my own life emotionally/decisionally (that might not be a word,haha) & I don't know how to fit in resistance to help. Other than pray, pray, pray, pray, pray, pray. But that is objection in itself. But, that doesn't matter. So here it goes:

God, I pray that she will hear what I am trying to tell her. I pray that she lets herself get the help she needs so she can start to see how valuable she truly is. She means the world to me, but me saying that does nothing. She needs to really feel it. What he has done to her is awful, but he's not her world. She needs to get back in line with reality, but she needs help. She can't do it alone. She's not weak, she can do it. But this disease has overtaken her and she cannot overcome it alone. She is a victim of circumstance and is suffering needlessly. I pray that you give me the wisdom and patience to help her in any capacity I can and need to. I pray that whoever you need to walk into her life does, and she crawls out of her emotions without hesitation to see the true joy in life that only you can offer. I pray that someday she understands the truth in You; the truth that is my faith. I pray that the scrutiny and ridiculing stops and she too gains the open mindedness she says I lack. I love her, and I love you, God, I know you alone are capable of the task at hand. Use me however I need to be in order for change to happen. Thank you, Amen.