It's 12:51 and I'm sitting in my car outside my apartment online because I needed internet access to get the paint colors from my email. Honestly, being in here is not much different than being inside there, now. At least in here I can sit in a chair.
This is really depressing. I mean, I know I have to focus on the future. I know it will be worth it. But making these "adult, mature" decisions and actually going through with it is so freaking hard. A big part of me just wants to say forget it all! I'm moving back in here! I realize that's ridiculous and impossible, and stupid - but it's what I want. I'm 20 years old and while I know I need to think about things that are going to happen soon-ish like our wedding, house, etc... I just want to be fun-having college student! I don't drink, but I want to party. I don't have many friends but I want to go out. I want to save my money, but I want to do things on the weekends.
And don't even get me started on my issues with actually living at home. This weekend was just a taste, and it was very sour.
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In other news, I am feeling very emotional this week. I have so much to do it's crazy. I was reading Sara Jones (Ogle)'s blog and it just made me cry. Jude's birth story is amazing. Her water broke on the way to pick up her husband from the airport??! That's insane, but from the way she writes about him, he seems like an amazing guy. It's so refreshing to see real love instead of divorcees and bridezillas. (I was watching that show last night.)
I wanted to write this blog to say how amazing and supportive and helpful Daniel has been through all of this - but it didn't end up that way it seems. But he really has been great. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be moving home. I know that's contradictory to everything I just said in the first paragraph, but I know it will be beneficial later.
I don't know - I have to go paint and get crackin' - - I have class at 4 and need to do an assignment before that as well. If I stay here and write I'll just think too much about how it will suck next week not being able to sit here in my car and blog. See, I'm thinking too much already.
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1 comment:
You told me to get over it, so, I'm telling you to get over it lol.
The reason that it's so hard to go back home is because the day you step out the door and you move out and go to college is the day that your world is completely turned upside down.
I used this analogy with my mom and I'll use it with you too. I asked her: how many birds come back to the nest after they learn to fly?
None do. You leave home sort of anticipating the fact that you're not really turning back. Once you go off to college and you don't live at home, your perception of the world is changed and the comfort and identity that you once felt at home sort of goes away, you identify with independence. You gain a lot of preference because your parents aren't just telling you what to like. So, when you go back home, there a hint of disagreement there. Just in the same, your parents adjust without you there. Now that you're gone, they can do the things they like, that you didn't like, and when you come back, they have to change their attitude to accommodate you and make you comfortable.
I'm the last person in the world who wants to move home right now. This entire time, I was mad because I didn't have a choice, I didn't have a chance to really make up my mind about it, but moving home opens up a lot of opportunities and it closes some too. It will force you to make some friends on campus because you'll be there all day, but it'll suck when SGA meetings run until 11 and you have to drive home late, and wake up super early the next morning. This is one of those times where you have to sacrifice something for something else. You have to sacrifice comfort and happiness (if it's going to get to you that much) for your future.
Just remember, when this whole thing started, you said that the most important thing to you is not comfort now, or happiness now, it's what comes later. That's what you chose to do and you just have to think about it in that way.
This better be worth it for you, or I'm going to be really mad lol. If you can't pay for your wedding in cash, I will scream.
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